Shakespeare in the Park
by Nyhratak
Summary: "Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?" Tony decides to have some fun at Thor's expense, and suddenly a very deceived demigod is reading a female role from a Shakespearian play in the middle of Central Park! Tony's screwed.


**Disclaimer: You want to know how much of this I own, eh? Go look through a hobo's stolen belongings. I own this about as much as said hobo owns that stuff. That will be all.**

**A/N: Why hello there. I got this idea randomly after seeing the movie yesterday. I hope you enjoy it because it was a heck of a lot of fun to write :D**

**Shakespeare in the Park**

Tony Stark didn't consider himself a _nice_ man. In fact, he never had. Perhaps it was because he had grown accustomed to the glares he felt boring into his back as he walked away from people - or the often violent reactions he received when he made a particularly snide remark. He was an absolutely dissolute soul and he knew it.

It was because of his willingness to carry the title without guilt that he decided one day in moment of spontaneity - he had always been good at being so - that he needed a bit of cruel amusement to lighten him up. Life had been slow since the attack on New York had taken place and the city had only just started the tedious process of rebuilding, something which Tony had not lifted a finger to help with, instead donating a couple million to the cause and declaring his hands washed of the situation. He had taken up residence in a pricey residence that had a nice overlook of Central Park, and it was that place exactly that inspired him.

He strolled into the small lab he had hastily made his people install and nodded to the other man within. Dr. Bruce Banner had been a good friend to him and Tony in turn had allowed the volatile creature to stay with him until more permanent arrangements could be made.

"Hey," Tony said, getting directly to the point, "_sooo_, what would you say is a good play by William Shakespeare?"

Bruce raised his head from the microscope he was looking into and shrugged, "All of them are good. You'll need to be more specific."

"I've never read any of them. I hate that old English crap - it gives me a headache."

Another shrug. "Well, what do you need to know this for?"

"You know, I don't think I'm going to inform you. So either tell me or go back to the label of the vegetable can you crawled off of, _Jolly Green Giant_."

Chuckling at his comrade's impatience, Bruce replied, "Okay, try _Julius Caesar_. I've always enjoyed that one."

Tony was out the door before the sentence was finished.

...

...

...

Thor visited earth rarely, and when he did he spent his time with his woman-friend, Jane. Occasionally he'd pay visits to those he liked out of the military team...which was basically everyone but Tony. He didn't really mind it, however, because every time the brute was around something got destroyed with that god-awful hammer.

Just one time, though, Tony had a will to see him.

It wasn't long before Thor showed up, clearly not one to waste time on a bus or the subway. He was dressed in civilian garb, a palpable contrast to Tony's many-thousand-dollar suit.

"Stark," Thor dipped his head in greeting.

"Large accented man," Tony answered. He rested his arm on the bench where he sat, looking back Thor. "Have you ever heard of the works of William Shakespeare, by any chance?"

"This does not sound familiar to me. Should it?"

Reaching a hand into the pocket of his suit jacket, Tony withdrew a folded up piece of unassuming white paper. "Nope - you're good." He unfolded it and extended his arm. Thor took it from his hand quizzically, his head slightly canted to the side.

His eyes scanned the paper. "What is this?" he rumbled, glaring up at Tony.

"Oh, well that, is a paragraph from one of Shakespeare's plays. It's called _Julius Caesar_. It's about a king who get's killed by his best friend."

Thor's eyes lit up in a rage and he shouted, "Where is this fiend who dares to slay his ruler! Bring him out so that he may face his due judgment!"

"No. Cool your jets - it's not real. It's a _story_."

"I do not believe that I enjoy this story!"

Tony grew impatient, and drummed his fingers on his knee. "You don't have to _enjoy _it. I just want you to read it dramatically for me."

"_What_? _Why_? Is this some bizarre earth custom?" Tony nodded. Thor looked back down at the paper. "I harbor suspicion about this, but read it I shall!"

He cleared his throat. People passing by tried not to conspicuously look at the two men.

"'Nor for yours neither. You've ungently, Brutus,

Stole from my bed: and yesternight, at supper,

You suddenly arose, and walk'd about...'"

Thor paused with confusion, "Who is speaking?"

Tony said, "A, uh, _guy_ named Portia." He knew if he told the demigod that he was actually reading a female part that there would be more damage in New York to clean up.

"That is an odd name for a man. And who is this Brutus fellow? Why is it that he and Portia are bedmates? That is utterly repulsive!"

An eyebrow rose. Tony was enjoying this far too much. "It's better if you don't look into it too much, I find."

"Did the writer intend for this to be read without a pause for breath?"

"I have no idea. Continue!"

Grumbling, Thor read on, gaining more apprehensive looks from all sorts of passers by. Tony interrupted him every so often to tell him to move his arms about more or raise the volume of his voice. Halfway through the single long paragraph, Thor's voice was so loud that Tony was certain that it could be heard from outside the park, even through the noise of the city. It was gloriously amusing.

""...Hoping it was but an effect of humour,Which sometime hath his hour with every will not let you eat, nor talk, nor sleep,And could it work so much upon your shapeAs it hath much prevail'd on your condition,I should not know you, Brutus. Dear my lord,Make me acquainted with your cause of grief.'"

There was a hilarious silence that surrounded the both of them when the large man had finished.

Then, "I do not understand this strange human practice of reading aloud about two sinful men in a public area. Explain it to me now."

"As if there's a lot to _actually_ explain."

Thor's free hand clenched into a fist, his biceps straining through the simple black tee shirt he wore - it had taken a lot of convincing to get him to dress regular too. "If it is so common then, _you will read it_." The paper was thrust back at Tony, who raised his arms, a "_who me?_" look upon his face.

"I think I'll pass. I'm not fond of reading the part of a woman - " he stopped himself before he went further, watching the demigod's face contort with resentment, flames coming to life in his eyes once more. "Hm, did I really just say that?" He muttered this to himself, dodging at Thor lunged at him. "Um...yeah I did."

Tony made his escape, hearing the shouts of: "_Son of the devil_!_ I will destroy you, insolent heathen_!"

He knew he would probably return back to his place of residence bruised and slightly bloodied, for who was he without the Iron Man suit? But, as with all of his exploits, he did not feel any culpability about the situation.

In fact, it had most definitely succeeded in brightening his day.

**A/N: I love reviews. I hope you enjoyed this little project of mine :D **


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